I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
