There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
