dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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