4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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