Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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