Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
