There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
