i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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