i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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