i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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