Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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