hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
