I want to stick my p in your. b.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
