Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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