My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
