So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
