My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
