Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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