FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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