An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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