Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
