im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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