I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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