too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
