We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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