omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
