win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Operation Purity has been aborted
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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