Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
