If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
