No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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