Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
