I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
