But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
