happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
