Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
