We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
