my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
