God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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