just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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