When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
