So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
