we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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