I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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