everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
