So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
