I think my vagina is haunted
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
