I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
