This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
