i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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