I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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