The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
