im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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