Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just tell him i said nine months
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
