I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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